“but that’s okay cause BEARS.” The Revenant (text. QuikRead)

January 12, 2016


This bear, I’m pretty sure, is real btw. And Dicaprio, I’m pretty sure, almost died during the filming and has the scars to prove it (the dedication!). And it rocks because everyone and their mother secretly wants to be attacked by a bear.

“Could I outrun it?” “Really just… Play.Dead?” “Would it really be thatttt bad? I mean, like if I didn’t do anything rude…I bet I could even pet it.”

But if “The Edge” and “Grizzly Man” have taught us anything, it’s one gargantuan “uh-uh.” Bears. R. Bad. Ass. Bitches.

Mano-e-mano, we are helium playtoys. I don’t know why - maybe it’s because of Winnie the Pooh, or the overall ineffectiveness of their human counterparts on the football field - but I and everyone else imagine bears as cuddly and loveable, that deep-down they are dopey and docile creatures, but I for one shall think that no more; I’m officially scared of bears.

For me, this effect is almost worth the price of admission.

Oh yeah - the non Dicaprio characters are annoying btw. The captain, Fitzpatrick, Dicaprio’s son - all seem very 1d and forgettable and this movie shouldn't have won Best Picture but that’s okay cause BEARS.

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